RIP Mama

E129: Eulogy

Dateline: Goa, India

Angela by name, angel by nature

Eulogy

Our mother, Angela, had planned to leave Goa on February 28. We all expected it would be by plane. Her soul, however, charted a different flight plan. It seemed that she decided she wanted to once again visit this beautiful church, home of Mae de Deus Saibinni who has been a daily source of solace for her since she became a daughter of Saligao. 

With a life that spanned Persia, Goa, Kuwait, Kampala and London, Mum’s life sounded really exotic on the surface. Born in Persia, her family moved back to Goa while she was really young as the Second World War raged. 

She would recount glorious memories of her life in Goa as one of nine children. Life was not always easy as she was growing up, but that gave her a stash of amazing gritty stories to share with her grandchildren later in life. 

She made lots of friends studying in Margao and then moved into teaching at Loyola. That is where she was introduced to our Dad.  Her 10-day journey from Kuwait to Kampala to get married is a well known family story but too long to relate here.

Our parents set up home in Kampala. From the start, Mum was a full-time working mother enjoying her career at Makerere University. They welcomed six children. Our young lives were made memorable by the many parties and picnics she hosted.  She loved the company of others, and was constantly entertaining and thrived on good energy. 

The beautiful life that they had created got rudely interrupted during the Uganda crisis and we moved to Goa. Mum became an integral part of the community here in Saligao. Those were challenging years, but she ensured that these remain among the most memorable years of our collective lives, a point to which we constantly return. Our love for this church, for this village, for the red murram earth of Goa grew during these important years. We call this home.

When we moved to the UK, Mum and Dad worked hard to provide for all six of us and give us a great life.  They taught and inspired us to have faith but also to take charge of our lives. “God helps those who help themselves” taught us to balance our trust that we could take on challenges, accept what was available and know that between community and God we would be able to welcome and shoulder the good and the bad in front of us.

We often commented that she shared her various talents among all her six children. But the six of us together could not match one Angela in energy or range of skills. So it is good to see that some of her skills have skipped a generation, and now her grandchildren are completing the missing parts of the puzzle that is Angela.

Her grandchildren are her pride and joy. They watched how her unyielding faith helped her battle Parkinson’s for 20-years. And when she was diagnosed with breast cancer in the middle of a global Covid pandemic, she responded with “I’m cool as a cucumber”. 

In this past week, when she understood the diagnosis ahead of her — one that upset all her children — she responded with “If not me, then who?”  

She has transferred her indomitable spirit to a new generation. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained” she would share, encouraging them to go out and live their life to the fullest. But to go with faith. She hosted multi-timezone zoom rosary sessions. Her grandchildren are as inspired by her delicious cooking as they are with her crotchet and creativity.

As she approached retirement, she played a much bigger role in her church community, bringing the joy of companionship and communion to house-bound parishioners. She made many friends as part of the team arranging flowers for Church services.

Mum had a huge capacity for love and it gives us such joy to see this church filled with people who loved and respected her, to know so many are watching across the globe, to read the many messages of loss felt by so many of all ages and faiths. Along with her grandchildren, her sons- and the daughter-in-love whom she treasured, we six children thank you for taking the time to honour our mother in this way. We are humbled to be the children of one so loved and admired. 

I’d like to close with some verses from Proverbs 31

²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,

    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household

    and does not eat the bread of idleness.

²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;

    her husband also, and he praises her:

²⁹ “Many women do noble things,

    but you surpass them all.”

³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Rest in peace, Mama dearest

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Two Weddings and a Funeral

Things happened a lot faster than I ever imagined. Her end was swift, which has its blessings.

“Does not compute” It has been confusing. Escorted by her two grandsons, she’d attended a family wedding less than a month before. And danced at another a week later. This did not look like a lady who would be struggling the following week.

Taken February 4, 2024

Thank you to all from our tribe who have reached out with words of encouragement, advice, and support when I announced my hiatus on publishing — I thought we had another six months or more with our mother.

My mother lived with a diagnosis of Parkinson’s since 2004. Under the caregiving of my sister, she was able to access exercises, physio, medications, therapy that gave her a great quality of life over these two decades.

If you are inclined, please make a donation to the Parkinson’s research foundation or on the link below (that also tracks photos and tributes) so that we may all benefit from more research into how to live with and how to combat this disease.

AngelaCarneiro.muchloved.com

If there is a lesson to be learned, it is don’t take precious time with your loved ones for granted. I thought I had months more with Mama. I was given mere hours.

However, I will forever be grateful for the gift of spending the past four months with my mother. Months not overshadowed with her diagnosis, so we did not wrap her in cotton wool, we did not go easy on her while playing Scrabble, we did not stop her from visiting the beach. We did not stop her from telling us her multiple stories or singing her entire repertoire of sacred, Beatles and Jim Reeves songs.

Quality time with my mother. It was the most beautiful of gifts.

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In this week, in particular, I am so grateful to have all of you in Tribe Tilt. It was so good to be surrounded by a group of good people who were my net of support and courage.

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Wishing you and all those you love a wonderful season of joy, peace and recovery.

Stay healthy. From there all else becomes possible.
Karena