The Soulful Sound of the Bells
E130: A very village funeral
Dateline: Goa, India
And the bells tolled
Our mother’s passing came suddenly. I was getting ready to let her go. I had expected many more days and conversations with her. I’d expected to spend Mother’s Day in the UK with her.
But she died in Goa. Suddenly. And had a very village funeral.
In the hours before her funeral mass, our relatives surrounded her with love, grieving, but at the same time remembering her with appreciation and joy. The entire vaddo came over to pray “with” her, and the house was filled with the rustle of rosary beads and with song. People of all faiths - the dhobi, the cattle herder at the back of our house - stopped by and marked the simple ways she had impacted their lives in the 50+ years since she married and became a part of this tiny community. Some were children when they first came to know her.
She has always loved flowers, and the wreaths just flooded in.
The funeral cortege left our home. A stream of cars snaked through the tiny streets, barely broad enough for a bullock cart to pass, as we all made our way to the village church.
It was a beautiful and tough day. But the piece/peace I will take away with me forever, the one memory seared on my brain was this:
Supported by our uncles, aunts, and a church filled with mourners, walking behind the coffin from the church to the cemetery at sunset with our church bells tolling the traditional cadence of a dirge.
“You have taken my dream”
My Dad welcomed my Mother in heaven. “You have taken my dream,” he said to her. My cousin dreamed this on the night my mother passed. I think this beautiful traditional village goodbye is what he meant.
Thank You
Please accept my sincere thanks for all the messages of condolence flooding in from around the world on all platforms. I will soon find some time to reach as many of you in person to express my gratitude, and that of our family, in this moment.
It is, again, a moment when I feel the warm hug of this global community, our Tribe Tilt - friends, family, neighbours, casual and constant contacts - many of whom have felt our pain while dealing with their own loss in this moment.
AngelaCarneiro.muchloved.com - if you want to leave a message, light a candle, or donate to Parkinson’s Research.⁸
My invitation to you: Write that eulogy now
Who needs you to acknowledge them? Who needs to experience the life-enhancing notion that they are seen, heard, and valued? —
in her latest essay Acknowledgements
Why wait for a funeral? As we sat to write our mother’s eulogy, my sister quoted Proverbs 31 because she wanted to share the measure of our mother with the world. Do you have beautiful words to share about/with those you love? Do it now.
And if you are telling yourself that a eulogy is challenging to write1, you are right. So do it with a phone call, over coffee or with a letter instead.
You could Wait.
But why?
A number of wonderful people have joined our Tribe Tilt in the past week.
Thank you for joining with your curiosity, which we welcome. This small community believes in the best of humanity - connecting people, sharing ideas, and exploring thoughts respectfully. We support each other. We believe we can make a difference to the people and places that are precious to us. And that the best idea can come from anyone, anywhere, at any time.
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Wishing you and all those you love a wonderful season of joy, peace and recovery.
Stay healthy. From there all else becomes possible.
Until next week.
Karena
If you would like to pick up some writing tips join a free workshop (affiliate link) hosted by David Perell on Wednesday March 13th at 11am CT . It allows you to experience their writing Bootcamp. It's particularly interesting if you are considering writing online. And some of the simple ideas help with eulogies and best man’s speeches, too.
Those bells Karena, their sound... ♥️
Thinking of you, Karena <3