Ever the giver of wisdom. I certainly appreciate the pearls as I am at least a staircase behind with one elementary aged child, another to begin next year, and a toddler. This was heartfelt and beautiful. I really enjoyed seeing the Khalil Gibran quote. It is a helpful reminder.
I also enjoy the idea of heirloom skills and heirloom education. It is a beautiful concept. I love that our connections and lessons passed on and entrusted to us survive in our children and generations beyond (and really the people they love, inspire, and come into contact with). It is such a beautiful and extensive wisdom gift that multiplies and gives beyond our immediate and direct connections.
And damn, dare I say that you do have a B.Parenting, Honors after having listened to your youngest’s music and now seeing that this same young person chose struggle. How proud you all must be.
I appreciate you talking about their personalities and respective paths/convergences/divergences. I wonder if there were any indicators early on that you saw in them--any sparks that helped give insight on all of their possibility?
I think one of the hardest things now is cultivating early interest and encouraging exploration without that sometimes Type-A parenting style kicking in. Allowing them to be free from perfectionism while wanting them to pursue interests earnestly without giving up too soon. I’m finding that some things they come back to--finding this out about basketball with my eldest.
It takes an awful lot of humility for sure to realize that our dreams for them can’t touch the paths they are forging for themselves. That also weirdly kinda makes me happy. Thank you for that lesson.
And this, “My relationship with time spun on its axis.” Such an accurate way to describe how we carry past, present, and future in our rearing, teaching, and also in what we are learning. I feel all of this for sure (and mine are still growing).
What a lovely essay.
And congratulations to you all, especially your graduate!
Dekera. I feel blessed by your response. I know your workload, and am particularly appreciative of the time you took to reflect. And that you liked one of my favourite lines in the essay "my relationship with time spun on its axis". And the concept of heirloom learning and heirloom skills.
If I read your query accurately, I would say the tension is to try, but not to try so hard. Forest for the trees concept. If I had held on too tight to my dreams for their futures, they may not have (ignored me, thought for themselves, and) taken the chances that they did.
Lesson 6: Before high school I was the curator, exposing them to new ideas and experiences. In high school I became the chauffeur, driving them where they asked as they discovered new friendships and new interests. If we coach them that no experience is ever wasted, then all this exploration serves a purpose. Does that help?
And wearing my Future of Work hat - help them to develop a deep body of knowledge in a topic that fascinates them or irks them. Clean water. Astrology. Weapons of War. They will get curious, and go on a journey of self-discovery, seeking out new knowledge and contacts. They will do what they have to (not job function, but problem solver) to get resolve this issue, gathering a body of work that lights them up as they speak about it. It is the new career path.
You are well on your way to earning your B.Parenting, Dekera. I see it in the way you approach the art and science of parenting. Now kick back and remember to enjoy some of the journey.
❤️. Again, sage wisdom. “If I had held on too tight to my dreams for their futures, they may not have (ignored me and) taken the chances that they did.” I appreciate it. 🙏🏾❤️
This was such a powerful essay to read, even though I'm not a parent. I love how you extract these lessons from these happenings in life. It is the hallmark of a great writer, Karena!
Thank you for sharing your insightful and personal insights with us here Karena. It’s a beautiful essay. I’m a bit further on than you and now laugh at the me of early motherhood - I knew nothing!! Now with grandchildren I must again remind myself of that. It is a humbling, though joyful too.
Wow! This moved me so much. First of all, congratulations to you and your family, Karena. I'm so happy for you. Second, this has to be up there with the best essays you've ever written if not the best. I was nodding my head all the way through, forcing myself to remember all the nuggets of wisdom you've shared from your own experience as a parent. I hope I can foster the humility to let my children dream bigger than me. Third, my wife and I love your book. Thanks for writing it!
Finally, I'm carrying this in my heart everyday from now:
"They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you"
Sairam, Thank you. I was not sure how this essay would land, so I am particularly appreciative of your comment. The Gibran poem completely changed the way I parented, and stays a keeper.
And I look forward to catching up with you and your wife about the stories in my book!
Beautifully written as usual and really resonantes with me. Thank you for being an amazing “peer parent” and sharing your wisdom for those that follow. It really is all part of a continuum of life and learning on life’s journey - looking forward to the next instalments!
Thank you, Simone for the congratulations. In realiity, he did most of the heavy lifting by himself (lesson 3). What I appreciate is the village of support that comes to us from all angles. It is one of the things that gives me hope - where others support mine, and I support yours. Sending you much love on these special years in your parenting journey.
Wise words, Karena. As someone who skipped his own graduation (too boring 😴), I really resonate with your parenting realizations especially on humility. Congratulations to your son on graduating!
I know you are the start of the journey. "The days are long, but the years are short." Great Gretchen Rubin quote/YouTube and I totally recommend it for those days when you feel like pulling your hair out. Because one day you, too, will graduate this stage of life. But never the title!
Karena, this is an anthem for parents. I’m grateful for your unique blend of wisdom, love and humility. I have teenage daughters and time and experiences are accelerating. I was drawn to the distinctions of ceding control (for me: surrendering) and dreaming too small. I am continuously blown away by the unique and astounding contribution of others in all walks of life. I felt that way, again after reading your essay. I’m sort of glad I’m discovering you now as you have you many more pieces I can take in over time.
Welcome to Tribe Tilt, James! Your writing is as a parent is stunning.
Thank you for these insightful comments. Everything is clearer in hindsight. But having had two graduate in the covid years took my parenting and trust to places I had not expected.
“All the hopes of my ancestors were now placed in these little souls entrusted to my care. All the dreams of our future generations. Their fingerprints and footprints will leave their mark.” - I am on the other side of this journey, as my daughter just started school last year, but this paragraph sums up how I feel. I often wonder how I'm doing as a parent and what my grandparents would think of the job I'm doing. Hopefully, I am helping all of their hopes come true in some small way.
Thanks for writing this, Karena. Reading about your parenting journey is an excellent guide to where I'm headed.
Ever the giver of wisdom. I certainly appreciate the pearls as I am at least a staircase behind with one elementary aged child, another to begin next year, and a toddler. This was heartfelt and beautiful. I really enjoyed seeing the Khalil Gibran quote. It is a helpful reminder.
I also enjoy the idea of heirloom skills and heirloom education. It is a beautiful concept. I love that our connections and lessons passed on and entrusted to us survive in our children and generations beyond (and really the people they love, inspire, and come into contact with). It is such a beautiful and extensive wisdom gift that multiplies and gives beyond our immediate and direct connections.
And damn, dare I say that you do have a B.Parenting, Honors after having listened to your youngest’s music and now seeing that this same young person chose struggle. How proud you all must be.
I appreciate you talking about their personalities and respective paths/convergences/divergences. I wonder if there were any indicators early on that you saw in them--any sparks that helped give insight on all of their possibility?
I think one of the hardest things now is cultivating early interest and encouraging exploration without that sometimes Type-A parenting style kicking in. Allowing them to be free from perfectionism while wanting them to pursue interests earnestly without giving up too soon. I’m finding that some things they come back to--finding this out about basketball with my eldest.
It takes an awful lot of humility for sure to realize that our dreams for them can’t touch the paths they are forging for themselves. That also weirdly kinda makes me happy. Thank you for that lesson.
And this, “My relationship with time spun on its axis.” Such an accurate way to describe how we carry past, present, and future in our rearing, teaching, and also in what we are learning. I feel all of this for sure (and mine are still growing).
What a lovely essay.
And congratulations to you all, especially your graduate!
Dekera. I feel blessed by your response. I know your workload, and am particularly appreciative of the time you took to reflect. And that you liked one of my favourite lines in the essay "my relationship with time spun on its axis". And the concept of heirloom learning and heirloom skills.
If I read your query accurately, I would say the tension is to try, but not to try so hard. Forest for the trees concept. If I had held on too tight to my dreams for their futures, they may not have (ignored me, thought for themselves, and) taken the chances that they did.
Lesson 6: Before high school I was the curator, exposing them to new ideas and experiences. In high school I became the chauffeur, driving them where they asked as they discovered new friendships and new interests. If we coach them that no experience is ever wasted, then all this exploration serves a purpose. Does that help?
And wearing my Future of Work hat - help them to develop a deep body of knowledge in a topic that fascinates them or irks them. Clean water. Astrology. Weapons of War. They will get curious, and go on a journey of self-discovery, seeking out new knowledge and contacts. They will do what they have to (not job function, but problem solver) to get resolve this issue, gathering a body of work that lights them up as they speak about it. It is the new career path.
You are well on your way to earning your B.Parenting, Dekera. I see it in the way you approach the art and science of parenting. Now kick back and remember to enjoy some of the journey.
❤️. Again, sage wisdom. “If I had held on too tight to my dreams for their futures, they may not have (ignored me and) taken the chances that they did.” I appreciate it. 🙏🏾❤️
This was such a powerful essay to read, even though I'm not a parent. I love how you extract these lessons from these happenings in life. It is the hallmark of a great writer, Karena!
Thanks for the compliment, Ishan.
Thank you for sharing your insightful and personal insights with us here Karena. It’s a beautiful essay. I’m a bit further on than you and now laugh at the me of early motherhood - I knew nothing!! Now with grandchildren I must again remind myself of that. It is a humbling, though joyful too.
"I knew nothing" encapsulates this journey! And the trust placed in us to parent-forward.
Wow! This moved me so much. First of all, congratulations to you and your family, Karena. I'm so happy for you. Second, this has to be up there with the best essays you've ever written if not the best. I was nodding my head all the way through, forcing myself to remember all the nuggets of wisdom you've shared from your own experience as a parent. I hope I can foster the humility to let my children dream bigger than me. Third, my wife and I love your book. Thanks for writing it!
Finally, I'm carrying this in my heart everyday from now:
"They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you"
Sairam, Thank you. I was not sure how this essay would land, so I am particularly appreciative of your comment. The Gibran poem completely changed the way I parented, and stays a keeper.
And I look forward to catching up with you and your wife about the stories in my book!
Beautifully written as usual and really resonantes with me. Thank you for being an amazing “peer parent” and sharing your wisdom for those that follow. It really is all part of a continuum of life and learning on life’s journey - looking forward to the next instalments!
Co-peer-parent!
Such wisdom here Karena. Congratulations on your graduation to MA. I’m confident you will do well!
Just starting my MA, Kathy. And learning from you all.
Beautiful Karena and congrats grad!
Thank you, Kelly! You have been walking alongside on our journey.
Enormous congrats to your family, your son, and everyone in his orbit. What an accomplishment.
Thank you, Simone for the congratulations. In realiity, he did most of the heavy lifting by himself (lesson 3). What I appreciate is the village of support that comes to us from all angles. It is one of the things that gives me hope - where others support mine, and I support yours. Sending you much love on these special years in your parenting journey.
Wise words, Karena. As someone who skipped his own graduation (too boring 😴), I really resonate with your parenting realizations especially on humility. Congratulations to your son on graduating!
Thank you, @Leo. Your perspective is particularly welcome. It's been a celebration and a tough few weeks.
“Graduating as a parent”!? I’m not crying you’re crying 😭😭
I know you are the start of the journey. "The days are long, but the years are short." Great Gretchen Rubin quote/YouTube and I totally recommend it for those days when you feel like pulling your hair out. Because one day you, too, will graduate this stage of life. But never the title!
Karena, this is an anthem for parents. I’m grateful for your unique blend of wisdom, love and humility. I have teenage daughters and time and experiences are accelerating. I was drawn to the distinctions of ceding control (for me: surrendering) and dreaming too small. I am continuously blown away by the unique and astounding contribution of others in all walks of life. I felt that way, again after reading your essay. I’m sort of glad I’m discovering you now as you have you many more pieces I can take in over time.
Welcome to Tribe Tilt, James! Your writing is as a parent is stunning.
Thank you for these insightful comments. Everything is clearer in hindsight. But having had two graduate in the covid years took my parenting and trust to places I had not expected.
“All the hopes of my ancestors were now placed in these little souls entrusted to my care. All the dreams of our future generations. Their fingerprints and footprints will leave their mark.” - I am on the other side of this journey, as my daughter just started school last year, but this paragraph sums up how I feel. I often wonder how I'm doing as a parent and what my grandparents would think of the job I'm doing. Hopefully, I am helping all of their hopes come true in some small way.
Thanks for writing this, Karena. Reading about your parenting journey is an excellent guide to where I'm headed.
The first step is to care that you are doing a good job. And I watch you doing that Randy.