Influencer? Or Encourager?
E145: Anyone can be an Encourager
Dear Valued Member of our Tribe Tilt,
Are You an Encourager?
“we should all have an aunty shanny in our life”
— someone on Threads
Through an incredible twist of fate, I lucked out because “aunty shanny” is my sister. It’s that lispy name her nieces and nephews gave her as they first learned to speak. And it has stuck.
She has recently taken to Threads1, and her insightful comments have been supportive of and encouraging to others. This generosity was recognized in the comment above left by someone on the internet.
Aunty Shanny plays a very special role in society. She is an Encourager: an influencer of the highest order.
She does not seek the limelight. But she pushes others to own the space that is rightfully theirs.
It is a skill she has carefully honed for decades, starting when my kids were children, and with our young cousins before that.
She pays attention
She listens. Really. Truly. Listens. To littles as young as 3 and 7. She asks them about their favourite books and friends and dreams. She watches them evolve into their interests.
This past week we were invited to attend the gallery opening of a beautifully sensitive artist in our circle of family. “It has been such a joy watching her evolve,” she said, recalling the shy little girl who one day found her voice.
All the #NextGen in our family and friend circle gravitate towards Aunty Shanny.
When they are young, she is the one guest who will play cards, word games, or hide and seek with them at a wedding reception. They specifically ask that she attend their birthday parties. She allowed them to read, enjoy and touch her precious collection of Asterix the Gaul books.
Aunty Shanny is the one who inducted them into patience - quietly sitting side-by-side on the sofa watching movies, complete with cuddles, Hoola Hoops and Whotsits. She’d select something memorable for everyone: Bugsy Malone and Singing in the Rain for the lyricists; Funny Face and My Fair Lady for the fashionistas; Space Jam and Cool Running for the sports enthusiasts. She is the aunt who makes tents and pillow forts during sleepovers. Dancing on the edge of all the cool things their parents do not let them do, she is their “cool aunt”.
As they grow, she is the first relative they tentatively allow onto their FB and Instagram accounts - that adult safety net that us parents crave.
She is allowed this privilege because they trust her. They feel seen with her.
I am doubly lucky. My children have developed a close bond with their Aunt Shanny that shrinks the nautical miles spanning the Atlantic Ocean into the space of a phone call or WhatsApp text. They confide in her. They schedule time to have regular calls with her - because that is what she did with them in their teen years. She is often their sounding board for the possibility within them, supporting them as they launch on their adventures.
She starts with a smile
Aunty Shanny has proven that she is kind, but not a pushover. She expects to be treated with the same respect she offers to others. She has established and understands her own boundaries. But, as she says, her arms are wide open. She remains available and supportive.
She offers her advice. But she is humble, and listens more than she talks, searching for the question that has not been asked, for the mission that is lurking just beneath the angst and “shouldness” in life.
And she has the brightest smile.
It is easy to be an Encourager
Many of us would like to make it big as Influencers.
But each of us can be an Encourager to someone else.
The Influencer seeks to be viral, and have impact, quickly.
By contrast, the Encourager might be a slower burn. — Creating and nurturing a root system for a relationship. Listening for what is unsaid. Reflecting back to the speaker an unspoken wish or desire. — Playing a supporting role.
The role of Encourager is all the more important at this juncture in our world’s history.
Adulting is difficult, no matter what our age or stage of life. First day at school or university? New baby? How to parent a teen? Caring for your own parent? We can constantly use guidance from others just a step or two ahead of us.
We have to generate occasions for inter-generational dialogue, particularly as our virtual worlds create technical and generational silos. There is a significant window of opportunity to channel our hard-won wisdom. And to model the art of filtering it down to twenty-somethings who could expect to live to the age of 100. These interactions could be in person, but in my experience digital conversations work too. Because it is more about the act of connection, than the technology.
I see a number of young (Linart Seprioto, Henry Greenberg, and Ishan Shanavas ) and older adults who are constantly reaching a hand back to give an assist to those barely a step behind. It could be doing coffee meetups, helping a teammate still in high school tour your campus, or starting a walking club in a new city so strangers can become friends (Kelly Davis).
It could be the simplest gesture of support, but it creates the opportunity for someone else to feel seen.
Dedication
This post is an homage to our beloved Aunty Shanny.
But it is also for all the people who are exercising and flexing their “Encourager” muscle, going out of their way to see and support others.
Whether it is helping push someone’s wheelchair across a cobbled sidewalk.
Or taking a young cousin out for a bubble tea and a conversation.
Or smiling at the person across from you on the bus.
I see you. And I THANK YOU for the support you offer.
Because everyone should have an “Aunty Shanny” in their lives!
If you are lucky enough to have an “Aunty Shanny” send them this article, reach out and tell them how much their encouragement means to you.
Thank you for being part of Tribe Tilt! And welcome if you have recently joined. We believe we can make a difference to the people and places that are precious to us - that we have hope and agency within our own lives that ripples through to others.
Stay healthy. From there all else becomes possible. Treat your health as the precious resource it is.
See you again next week!
Karena
Dateline: Brugge, Belgium
Brooke Smith and Emma Dorge are my editing “Encouragers” seeing the possibility in my drafts.
Would you like to join our Tribe Tilt?
Instagram Threads is the short-form text messaging part of Instagram.
"The Influencer seeks to be viral, and have impact, quickly.
By contrast, the Encourager might be a slower burn. — Creating and nurturing a root system for a relationship. Listening for what is unsaid. Reflecting back to the speaker an unspoken wish or desire. — Playing a supporting role."
This resonated. I'm honored you see me as an Encourager. Everyone needs an Aunty Shanny in their life. I'm the product of having loving Aunty Shannys in each phase of my life.
And then what came next, hit me. "The role of Encourager is all the more important at this juncture in our world’s history."
When it came my turn to be an Aunty Shanny to others, the Encourager seemed to be second fiddle to the Influencer's first chair. But I had it wrong. It's a lot like what Susan Cain has to say about culture's bias toward extroverts. And. The power of Introverts.
I don't know if I called this out when editing, but this is my favorite line:
She listens. Really. Truly. Listens. To littles as young as 3 and 7. She asks them about their favourite books and friends and dreams. She watches them evolve into their interests.
It is so beautiful and says so so much about a person.